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With
speculation rife about takeover bids for the Rams and the Premiership
full of “colourful” characters in the boardroom (pornographers- yes,
Human Rights offenders- allegedly, corrupt businessmen- probably),
we examine some of the front runners to buy the Rams…
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Who? |
The Future |
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Help The Aged -
After the collapse of Northern Rock,
thousands of pensioners could be seen wandering around the
town centres of England clutching their life savings.
Not wanting to miss out on the grey pound, Help The Aged are
seeking a bingo hall for 30,000. |
The Rams to take a
grey army of 5,000 fans on free bus passes to every away
game.
The club save thousands as Pride Park receives a grant
for light and heat and Craig Brown get his wages paid by the
state |
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Robert Mugabe
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After breezing through the Premier League
“fit and proper” person test, Big Bob decides to enjoy
his retirement in the Derbyshire peaks, whilst investing
some of his hard earned savings in his favourite
pastime.
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Sponsored by Diamonds 4U, the Rams install Peter Ndlovu as
coach before spending £200m and finishing sixth |
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USA Corp -
“Acquiring this
franchise will help bring democracy and freedom to the
strategic zone of the Midlands East.”
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A team of armed $1,000
a day private security guards surround the grey zone (the
gas holders opposite Pride Park.) |
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Amnesty International
- Like Germany’s St Pauli, the
Rams become an
official left wing, ethically sound club.
No corrupt agents, no backhanders, burgers swapped for
organic tofu patties |
Like St Pauli, and
every other sporting club in history who have tried to adopt
an ethical policy, the Rams fail to challenge for major
honours…ever.
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Ivan Imrichovic -
Jobless dad's drown in Vodka and children
starve in the snow. Not to worry, the government have just
sold me a 10 billion corporation for 5 grand. |
Unlimited transfer funds turn Derby into
one of the biggest clubs in Europe. Billy wins the Champions
league twice in three years but gets sacked as no-one in the
crucial Asian market space can understand a word he says.
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